I'm Not Scared
by Sugar Pink
Summary: Sakura is scared of a lot of things, ghosts, dark, spiders, just to name a few. She considers herself to be the most cowardly person ever. Then how come she isn't afraid of falling in love with someone who is as imperfect as Syaoran Li? ONE SHOT! R&R!


**Sugar Pink:** Hey everyone! I just had an instant inspiration to write a one shot! I don't really have a plot in mind so I'm just going to see where this takes me. I probably won't do a lot of descriptive writing and will be focusing more on the conversation and dialogue, since that's what brings out the main point of the story.

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**I'm Not Scared**

**One Shot fanfiction**

**By Sugar Pink**

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I'm not a very courageous person. In fact, I, Sakura Kinomoto am scared of a _lot_ of things.

Don't believe me? I'll start listing.

Ghosts—the real thing, _and_ the fake ones like the ones in movies and haunted houses.

The dark—I even sleep with a nightlight.

Spiders.

Butterflies—if they come too close. Either than that, they're nice.

Crows.

Dunking my head underwater for swimming lessons.

Cockroaches—even the puny pinhead sized ones.

Loud noises—like when I go to the dentist and I hear him operating a loud utensil in my mouth. It just freaks me out, even though I know I can't feel a single thing.

Thunderstorms—yet they're cool in a way.

Math.

Blood.

Heights.

Getting lost.

Getting spooked.

Being upside-down.

Being on twisty roller coasters.

So as we can all see, I am such a coward. Yet, I'm a strange person—so strange that I don't even understand myself at times. For example, there has been a question that's been nagging me for years. And that questions is…

…if I'm such a coward, then how come I'm not scared of falling in love and getting hurt by someone who is short-temper, indecisive, gets bored of his surroundings(and girlfriends)easily, shallow and a hedonist known as Syaoran Li?

* * *

"…and then what happened?"

"Then, I just left." He rolled his amber eyes.

"But you two have been together for three years!" I gaped at him, my emerald eyes wide.

"Sakura, we're not in high school any longer. We have a whole new world to explore once we're in Toudai now! And a new world means independence, meeting new people, and having fun. I'm moving on, I don't want to be stuck being the same person I was back in high school. I need a fresh change. That relationship wasn't working anyways."

"So, you're saying you got bored of her?" I asked.

"Yeah, you can say that." He shrugged his shoulders. "Listen, I got to go now. I'll catch you later." He said, jogging off to his next class.

"Ok, I'll see you later, Syaoran-kun." I gave him one last smile before he disappeared out of sight.

I always knew Syaoran gets bored of things quite easily. He never stays committed to one thing for a long time—be it sports, hobbies, or relationships.

In third year, he gave up basketball, football, and baseball in two weeks, the newspaper staff committee in three weeks, the garden club in one week, the tutoring club in three days, and the drama club in five minutes.

I should know. I followed him into all those clubs…except football since I didn't think I'll survive the training.

He also bothered the advisor for course changes because he kept changing his mind.

He also broke up with three girls that year because he couldn't make up his mind.

However, he _did _stay in soccer and track and field for good.

There are always exceptions, but they're few. And so far, there aren't any exceptions in the relationships department.

Yet, I'm still not scared.

* * *

I plopped down into a comfy chair in the lecture hall for class as I looked around, hoping to catch a glimpse of him.

I see none.

Ten minutes into the lecture, I felt a presence in the empty chair next to me. It was him.

"Why are you so late?" I whispered.

"Would you believe that Shizuki got mad at me over one little thing?" He grumbled.

"What's that?"

"Our anniversary." He grumbled again, flipping his notebook opened. Reaching over, he grabbed my notebook. "Can I borrow this? I missed the first ten minutes of lecture."

He started copying before I said yes. But I said it anyways. "Sure, no problem."

"Anyways, we broke up. She said I forgot it last year too, so this was the last straw." He informed me.

"You don't seem very upset."

"I am." He reassured me. "I'm not _that_ heartless."

"Are you going to try to make it up to her?"

"No, it won't do any good. She already made up her mind."

"But maybe she's just saying that to see if you really care. Maybe she still cares for you."

"I still like her, yes, but I'm not the type who plays mind games with girls. Besides, there are lots of other girls out there."

"Oh? You found another one you like?"

He just shrugged, giving me no reply.

I don't know whether to feel happy or sad. At that moment, I can only describe the feeling as a tightening in my chest, filled with a huge portion of worry, and a slight portion of panic.

Does he really still like her? Or is he just saying that?

Will he go find her after school and apologize?

If he does, will she accept him back? If she does, and they back together, what will I do? What _can_ I do? How will I feel?

Does he like someone else? Is that why he isn't worry about the end of his relationship?

If he does like another girl, who is it? Is she prettier than me?

What if he likes my new friend Hikaru?

Is he going after another girl so he won't seem too depress over the loss of his girlfriend?

Is he going to be sad and depress in the privacy and secrecy of his own room? Should I offer comfort to him if he doesn't want his sadness to show?

He is such an unpredictable guy. It's hard to see through and understand him, since he keeps everything to himself, without giving many hints on what's going on in his life to his friends or girlfriends.

I know his previous girlfriends had trouble understanding him and they had tried hard to find out what makes him happy. He, however, thought that was nosy and annoying.

It's hard to decipher what he wants, how he feels, and the meanings behind his action and words.

And _he_ says he doesn't like to play mind games eh?

Reading minds can be dangerous, as everyone has a huge chance to get it wrong. Each behaviour associates equals a different emotion for everyone.

Get it wrong with someone you love, and it'll be the worst thing you'll feel like you've ever done.

Yet, I'm still not scared.

* * *

"I'm sorry, I can't." I heard him say.

"Why not?" she asked.

"I…I rather not say. It's just better this way." And with that, he turned around and left her standing there.

"That's the fifth time." I said with an amused smile on my face as he came closer to where I'm standing.

"Yeah, I know, how annoying." He said in frustration and slings his bag over his shoulder. "I wish she'll stop asking me out." He said, his voice dripping with annoyance.

"What's wrong with her anyways? I know her. She was my lab partner in Biology last semester. She's smart, nice, understanding and—"

"—ugly" he finished off for me.

I frowned. "I wasn't going to say that, Syaoran."

"I know, that's why I said it instead." He smirked at me, his dreamy amber eyes twinkled with amusement.

"That wasn't very nice." I said. "Sure, she may not be the prettiest girl on campus, but she's not hideous."

"Sakura, no offence to her or anything, but she's not exactly anything outstanding either. I mean, her hair is that weird colour, she's a bit too thin, and have you seen those glasses?"

"Her hair colour is dyed, which can easily be changed, and her glasses aren't ugly!"

"What about her figure?"

"Oh please, nothing pleases you. Like you'll accept her offer if she's not thin. And she's not that thin. I know you rejected someone else last month because you say they're a bit on the overweight side."

He shrugged.

"Nobody is picture perfect, Syaoran."

He paused and titled his head, observing me. "You are."

I looked at him quickly, my eyes wide. "I am?" I felt the heat rush up my face.

He laughed. "No, just kidding. You should really avoid giving people that surprised face, Saku. Makes you look like a weird fish."

I felt my chest tightened again in disappointment. Deep down I always knew that he doesn't think I'm pretty enough for his taste. I'm more on the simple and casual side of the spectrum.

But does he really have to say it?

He is so shallow and insensitive.

He only goes for girls who are glamorous and pretty. And he dumps them too. Picky.

He never thought how much his words have wounded my feelings, even if he considers me as just a friend. Do you really say things like _you look like a weird fish_ to a girl? He hardly takes time to think about how much impact words have or how much it can drop people on the self-esteem scale. He just says whatever is on his mind, straightforward and to the point.

Yet, I'm not scared.

* * *

"…and it's the third weekend in a row. I'm getting the message that she doesn't want to see me anymore.

"Syaoran, she said she has family appointments. They were valid reasons to not spend time with you! She has to visit her sick grandfather in Tokyo!"

"Whatever, and it's our six months anniversary this weekend too."

"You don't even celebrate annual anniversaries…when did you start doing the monthly anniversary tradition?" I asked, perplexed.

"I don't. But you know, I thought girls liked to do stuff like that."

"And you like the attention." I rolled my eyes at him.

"I can't deny that." He grinned.

"Didn't she say anything to you before she left for Tokyo this weekend?"

"Well, she said she was sorry she's not going to be here for our sixth month, but I could tell she wasn't that sorry. I swear she's trying to dump me."

"Don't be so paranoid!"

"I should dump her first, before she gets to the punch line."

"Syaoran!!!"

"I was only kidding, Sakura." He laughed. "I'm not that cruel. I'll wait it out and see. I promise."

"You better. She's a nice girl. Don't go breaking anymore hearts."

_Like how you keep breaking mines for the past four years_.

Yet, I'm still not scared to have it further broken by falling deeper in love with him.

* * *

"She broke up with me!"

"Yes, that's the tenth time you said it tonight." I said, passing him his hot chocolate. "You didn't even tell me the reason she gave you."

I dumped a packet of sugar into my coffee and stirred.

"She said she's scared that we will screw up our relationship somewhere along the way, and end up not talking to each other, like what happened between me and my ex-girlfriends. She doesn't think she understands me and she says I keep things to myself and that it's hard to know when I'm happy. I don't do that, do I?"

"Well, actually—"

"And she said I've been insensitive in our relationship, but she knows that I didn't mean any harm, so she tolerated it. She also said that she's scared that I'll one day dump her for a prettier girl because she said I tend to go after pretty ones and I get bored of one girl too quickly. That's so not me!" he said, taking a huge gulp of his hot drink.

"Syaoran—"

"She said she's scared of losing me in the future because from the way she thinks I am, the probability of us having a messed up relationship is very high, even though things are okay for now. She said she's scared and rather end it now when everything is mostly fine than to end it later when both of us will suffer more of an emotional loss."

He looked at me. "Oh yeah, weren't you saying something?"

Sigh.

"Yes, I was going to say she has a point. You can't blame her for being scared."

"I wish she isn't scared, Sakura." He said, his voice soft. "I—I really like her. I—I didn't want to break up."

I feel my heart shatter.

"Syaoran…it's ok." I know it's the lamest thing to say. But what else can I say?

I cannot go _Oh, it's your fault for behaving the way you did. You should be happy that she loves you still. Deep down, she wants you to change and be more sensitive, be less shallow, and be more decisive. But she knows you won't change because you're too stubborn_.

"I learned my lesson. From now on, I'm not going to go out with a girl that's scared of what the future holds. I'm going to pick a girl who's ready to walk this unpredictable path call life with me no matter what the future may hold, knowing that she can lean on me with every obstacle that may come our way."

"Maybe she doesn't think she can lean on you." I piped up.

"Why would she think that?" he gave me a truly confused look.

"Oh, er, I don't know. Maybe she's scared that you won't be there."

"Well, from now on, I'm going to be with a girl who isn't scared." He got up and heads towards the cashier, getting ready to pay for the drinks.

_I'm not scared, Syaoran. I'm not scared. Too bad courage isn't all you're looking for in a girl._

Silently, I got up and paid for my drink too.

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**Sugar Pink:** Oh wow, I had no idea how this story will turn out when I first wrote it. I just felt like writing a bittersweet one shot, though I'm not sure if this is considered bittersweet.

Anyways, please leave a review! I really, really love to hear from you guys!!


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